the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
