I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
