I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
