can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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