god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
