Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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