dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
