i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
