i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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