when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
