Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
