Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
