Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
