the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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