i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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