I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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