you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
