i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
