I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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