go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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