I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
