last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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