i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
