Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
