Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
