Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
