I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
