Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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