found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
