It's Friday. Sex?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
