you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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