i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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