You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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