i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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