she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
