I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
