On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
