I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
