did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
