You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just blew my weed a kiss
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
did i just pee glitter
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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