so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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