Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
