I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
