My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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