Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
