Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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