a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
