I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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