Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
