I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
